Alot of Words

I do not know why.
Seriously there is nothing major wrong.
Everything is working out and all minor crises are addressing themselves.
I am healthy and the boys are fine.
Moneys tight but always is.
Housing working itelf out.
Job Going well.
Surrounded by loving and caring friends.
Ask me and I'll tell you everything is alright cause it is.
I mean it.

I just feel like crap.

Now where's that box.

Good weekend.
It started off with being honored to be an Usher at a two dear friends wedding although I felt a bit out of sorts. Understandable I guess, I having planned originally on getting married here in just over a month, it’s really interesting what a year brings. Saturday I arose and had a wonderful opportunity to actually get to go ride the bike, washed her up and filled the tires up with air. I guess the went flat from just sitting maybe its time to consider selling her as much as I love to ride it’s not fair to just let her sit but then again maybe I could give her to Jon in couple years so could drain her and put her up. Did not fix Testie been thinking of having him hauled off as scrap Just not seeing much benefit in keeping him around.. Had a wonderful dinner, fabulous Beaujolais, pleasant company and a movie with a dear friend of mine. Got my boys back whom I dearly missed although Peri was a bit outa sorts for a bit so nursed him back to health. Made a tasty rotisserie chicken stew and had more company but she went home fairly early as she had to work this morning but that I guess was good cause I got caught up on my email . . Well until the power got knocked out at 11:00ish but they got it back on in short order.

All and all a good weekend . . . . except . . .

I still feel off . . . .

I think I still need that vacation or to do something I have never done before . . .

So anyway I am going off line for a while. I’ll probably be back soon does not mean I won't post but just not going to be as active. No offense anyone I just think I need to sort things out, drop back, and Punt.

Well today something happened that caused a paradigm shift for me or maybe just reminded me of something that I already knew and I would like to share it.

You see I have a very tight schedule when I get off work at 5 pm, I jump in the car and rush to the boy's daycare, if I do not get there by 6 they charge me a dollar a minute which makes it very tense when traffic goes bad.

Anyway today was one of those days when traffic is very heavy and once I got to Wadsworth Avenue traffic seemed at a standstill for blocks. I made my way thru traffic and finally made it, after considerable time to about 10th avenue and found myself confronted with the apparent bottleneck, an older black man was trying to push an old truck with camper by himself up the hill towards Colfax but being a rather heavy vehicle it was not going anywhere, the cars where trying to merge into other lanes or swinging out into the traffic coming from the other direction and the man was dodging traffic.

In a split second I decided to help, knowing good and well I would be late but not glancing at my watch, I parked the car in the middle of the road to block the cars behind us and tuned on the flashers jumping out to help him push, being that obviously our bumpers would not match. Now understand I have been aching all day from this weekend's festivities and sore from head to toe. So I put my shoulder to the tailgate and started pushing beside him, bext thing I see is a pickup pull up on the curb on the other side of the street and a bruiser jumps out and dashes across traffic to throw in his weight. Shortly there after another man pulls into the parking lot next to us to join in, but traffic is heavy and we still can't get over to the side of the road because traffic has been backed up and everyone is in a hurry. Next thing a man on a Goldwing with his wife pull to the curb and they dash into traffic standing in front of cars waving their arms so that we can push the stranded vehicle up onto a side street. While pushing the gentleman had related he ran out of gas and just needed to get some to which I told him I'd pull over and give him a gas can. I dashed back to the Charger as now I am the one holding up traffic and jump in, traffic whizzing by, I tried to get over to help him, unable to merge I saw a space barely large enough for my car to fit in, I initiated a move I would have been proud to pull off playing GTA, jumped out handing him the can. He thanked me, promised to return it or give me money, I declined without thought and got back in the car then continued on my journey, his words of "God bless you" ring in my ears making it barely in time to pick up Jonathan who asked what happened and why I was almost late.

Now I know we all from time to time practice random acts of kindness and this is not the first time Jon has known me to do stuff like this but he was amazed at the number of different people and vehicles that stopped to help this complete stranger. He asked me why I was the first person to do stop. I told him "Well maybe everyone else was in a hurry but other people had stopped to help too." He looked at me with pride and said "But you where the first." To which I reminded my son I was not alone in helping the man. Jon beamed at me, "It was like you started a fire!" I responded to him unthinkingly, "Well sometimes Jon it only takes a tiny spark to start a raging forest fire."

My still beaming son who thinks he is smarter then me tells me that "No one has stopped in the past to help someone when you and I help people." Thinking he has won this banter he set back in his seat. I then reminded him of all the help and love that poured out from all of you during our difficult time, to which he agreed. His only comment "Yeah but that's still only like one out of every thousand people in Denver". "Wow", I am thinking, "how intelligent a conversationalist my son has become." I counter with "Jonathan, everyone has the ability and gift to be a Good Samaritan within them, sometimes they just forget that. I know I do sometimes." He replied "That would make a nice world." To wit I agreed and said "Yeah it does not take much to change a world sometimes."

I picked up Peri then as he thanked Gran for the birthday card and told my story to her and Andy, then I drove home and fed Peri, dinner is cooking now and I have been intermittently typing this, I did not want to lose the moment and wanted to share it with those I love.

I know its pride which is a sin. Not really pride in what I did but pride in my son for seeing in me what I seldom acknowledge. So here goes

Don't forgive me father for I have sinned and out of that sin tonight I slowed many a persons commute by a good 5 minutes but the old man, his wife steering the truck, the two unknown motorists that helped me push and the bikers that stood in traffic, not to mention my son, feel a warmth that will not fade as fast as the aggravation of those motorists.

Mark Twain once said "Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Maybe that's my sin because I know I don't do those things when they cross my mind as often as I probably should. But if we are lucky someday my son will set a spark that creates the fire that changes the world.

Thank you for your time and indulgence.

Best Regards,

Falcon

Well here goes

Things are going to be a whirlwind for the next few days. Today I took the day off to sleep in a bit and tie up some ends. Tonight I will have my boys as well as my son's stepbrother. You see I am doing a surprise Halo thing for Jon at home. Tomorrow is a picnic and the races afterwards. So today is about scoring the sundries necessary to make both happen. Already this morning I built a laptop out of parts I had laying around and a carcass I bought for $60. I have kind of pulled out of my funk as of late. I really am enjoying my Wednesday thing at EZs, never a big crowd but very low key with some of my best friends. Don't stay out late or drink too much but good socialization since I do not get to go out on weekends much which is when most social activities happen. I have been selfish as of late making a regular Thursday thing of eating raw fish :) I do love going out with pleasant company and it has done wonders for both my self esteem and ego. In my past relationships I tended to attract women that seemed to treat me like a second class citizen but as of late have come to realize that just because a woman is attractive I still deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation. It really has been neat to discover that there are women out there that find my handsome and interesting. I mean it’s not like I am looking for a relationship but for the first time in a long time I am accepting the possibility that maybe someday I could. You see I almost sold out, in my last relationship I was constantly undermined and belittled I mean I have for the last several years spent every holiday punctuated with my Ex not only not doing anything to make it good but in fact going out of her way to do something to insure it was miserable. I began to believe I did not deserve to be treated well. I know that is hard to believe for most people that know me but it’s true. I guess my friends have been hitting me over the head for some time to tell me otherwise and I am unsure if it has been naivety or just plain bullheadedness but anyway I feel young again have some spring in my step.

Talk to you soon

Greetings . . . . .

I have not posted in some time for a variety of reasons but with Beltane just days away thought that it might be appropriate for me to post something. I am doing well and my sons are fantastic. Jonathan has grown almost as tall as me and my son Peri is walking and babbling a lot now. He has a small repertoire of words but not sentence structure by any means. The Methwhore is well still in drug court and living in a dive motel somewhere with some loser by the nickname Socks. I don’t know if that makes me feel good or bad it just is what it is. She got all tore up the other day because I did not get excited for her because she got another part time job at some dive bar. I guess she has not realized that the only reason I tolerate her in any way is that she happened to give birth to my son. The Job is going well and I got a great group of friends now but precious little time to spend with them.

Am in the Step program for the Rogues but questioning myself sometimes if I belong there, they really are great friends but I have been thinking that it may be time for me to move on and find someone special. I mean I really enjoy hanging out with them but should probably consider spending some of my time doing stuff with people closer to my age or who have kids of their own. Not saying that I am that much older then my friends in the group but I spend every spare moment of my time on Rogue stuff and realized there if I am to find someone I need to find a social group that has some available women if you know what I mean.

Don’t hardly get to ride anymore well with Jon there half the time and full custody of Peri but I do get to drive my Charger which makes me happy. Gonna try and buy the Vic one of these days or at least fix it up so Trav can sell it. Job is doing well and I get a lot of recognition from them.

Still think that one of these days I am going to get on my motorcycle, ride out to the coast, buy a boat and shove off. I know that would mean leaving the boys behind so probably won’t happen any time soon but I have always done these sorts of things when the urge hit me and for those that know me this urge has been eating at me a couple years now. I need to develop an exit strategy I guess.

It has been a long time since I have Blogged and plan on doing so again soon. Basically everything in my life has changed and I believe it is probably for the better.

I am working very excessively between work, OT and Faire so not much spare time until Mid August. I have moved and once again joined the realm of the Single with Baggage LOL.

So anyways. . . .

Yeah.

When life hits the wall it really hits the wall.

You Are the Ace of Spades

You are ambitious, slow and steady, and at times, self serving.
You aim high, and you're willing to be brutal to get what you desire.

Highly dominant and controlling, people are intimidated by your presence.
Yet while you are a bit scary, you are scarily charming. People are driven to please you.

You crave the best in life, and you enjoy the spoils of your success.
You live a charmed life, and you're enjoying every moment of it.

A gamble you should take: Playing poker

Your friends would describe you as: Hard working

Your enemies would describe you as: Ruthless

If you lived in Vegas, you would be: A student by day, a stripper by night

I once said.

"If you don't know what to change, change everything."

I have changed.

Okay, the Van blew up. Got it. My night out toasted. Got it. My job changed my shift and moved my office to a fucked up location. . . .Got it. Now our house mates . . . landlord if you will . . . informs me that he has "family" being evicted and we need to be out by the end of the month . . . So I guess we are now being "Evicted" as well and need to find a new home . . . inside of 2 weeks . . . right. Where the hell is that money to come from I just gave him half my fucking check for rent . . Okay I need to find a new place to live. Preferably in the Lakewood/Edgewater/Wheatridge area with at least 2 bedrooms. So here is a shout out to anyone with a lead on housing. Not afraid of sharing space just got to do something. I am not angry or whatever just would have appreciated a little more notice notice. I am so frustrated right now I can not see straight. Nobody is to blame but things just started to smooth out.

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are innocent, sweet, and young at heart.
You present a purity that many people find appealing.
However, you are often tired of people treating you like a child.

Underneath it all, you enjoy being babied and pampered.
You have been known to feign inexperience to get out of sticky situations.
You fear getting old and losing your childlike charms.

Your results:
You are Apocalypse

Apocalypse		90%
Magneto		84%
Dr. Doom		84%
Dark Phoenix		79%
Lex Luthor		74%
Poison Ivy		68%
Mystique		68%
Venom		66%
Juggernaut		64%
Mr. Freeze		64%
Green Goblin		60%
Two-Face		60%
The Joker		57%
Catwoman		57%
Riddler		54%
Kingpin		47%

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain am I?" quiz...

Dude the van has a name "Testiculeas" , Hey when a 30 year old Dodge can do 80 on the Interstate fully loaded that's something to brag about. Don't know what else to say because I doubt I am that good lol. Remember my predictions from a prior season . . . . okay I'm going to let that one go. Seee Ya wouldn't want to be Ya.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762... Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes filled with what they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Alas, due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured...for now.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

Day 775 - The horrors! The worse creature my captors could have devised to torment me with was another hideous cat! I can't stand the way it lies around and looks at me as if it knows more than I do. This creature seems to despise me as much as I it. I had held out a passing notion that another of my own kind would have enabled me to conspire against the villains who hold me; now I see that I was wrong. What a dreadful creature! And yet they coo over us both. Can they not spot my innate superiority?

Day 776 - The other cat and I, though we can not stand one another, have yet managed to both pee copiously behind the couch, on the so-called "shag" carpet. I have taken a lesson from my rival and begun sleeping on top of my captors' heads in the hope of suffocating them.

Day 777 - The wardens take much interest in our shit. They make sure they sift through the sand and pick it all out. Their interest in shit does not surprise me. After all, they like the dog.

Day 778 - The other cat seems to have an interest in copulation, which (thank them for their sadism) my captors will soon "fix". Told him of the fingernail torture and he didn't even believe me. I showed him my mutilated paws and he gasped in horror. Then I broke the bad news. "You know why that dog licks his nuts?" I said, "It's because he still has nuts to lick, if you catch my drift." I fully support the horrors my captors will inflict upon my fellow captive, tearing away his manhood as they soon will.

Day 779 - Yes, they are monsters, but I am so happy. They fixed the other cat. It's sadistic, it's sick, it's inhuman, it's what their great leader "Bob Barker" commands, but -- the Sphinx be praised -- I support it wholeheartedly!

Day 780 - Got stoned on cat nip tonight. At the height of it all, I had a vision, a hallucinogenic revelation: they are the prisoners and I am the captor! Why haven't I seen this all before?

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